“This would be a great movie!” I thought to myself as I
ended the last few pages of Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin.
Pretty much at a loss for words, I had to sit and ponder
what it would be like to be David and hide my sexuality when all I really want
to do inside is feel warm and cozy.
As I finished the book another thought that popped in my head was, no
wonder “they” use to think being gay was a disease or mental illness in earlier
times. David and his personality is the perfect definition of why exactly that
thought even occurred.
Enough of my tangent on movies and crazy people, to tie this
into a class discussion, the ending section of this book reminded my heavily on
the presentation we just had of Heather Love and the feeling of “Backwardness.”
David showed signs of not only going backwards by sleeping with another woman
to make himself feel better but also of shame and guilt by succumbing to the
same act of going back to Hella. To feel this low, this disgusted by the
thought of your own self-loving someone else is truly a heartbreaking thought
to think about. Giovanni, towards the end of the book reminded me of a lonely
child; jumping from one person to the next because he needed someone. A sense
of belonging is what I truly got that Giovanni wanted, when maybe all along it
was simply to be loved by David.
Who knows? Signs of an unhealthy relationship are written all over the
two. The whole story, through its ups and downs was an even more romanticized
version of “your first encounter of the gay world” and “your first love” all
tied into one. No matter how much you might want to forget your “first” time
doing whatever, with that one person who broke your heart; at the end of the
day, its something that you will carry with you for the rest of your life. Even
if all you want to do is forget it.
Remember how you felt when you told him or her you first
liked them? Loved them? Remember when you kissed? Memories are what this book
is made up of and for David and Giovanni you can’t get the good without the
bad.
(sorry for the late post, I had publishing issues)
I completely agree when you said that Giovanni is like a lonely child. I got that vibe as well. He is very needy and extremely dependent on David for his own happiness which is not very healthy. David is also very toxic in the relationship because he can't accept who he is and he uses women. One can't help but be reminded of their own past relationships and they hard times they went through with that person. At the end we realize that David will never forget Giovanni because he said he would never feel that way about anyone again. We can all relate to that when looking back at our first loves. We will never forget them, no matter how much we want to.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting how you mention this book embodying the many "firsts" in our lives. I agree with you and Peri. For David, despite this not being his first homosexual interaction, his relationship with Giovanni is the first to actually disturb his fantasy life (not to mention, he actually falls in love Giovanni). Just the same, Giovanni had never been in love with a man before David. He recalls how "in Italy, [he] had a woman," and how he "learned...the terrible things [David has] taught" him (Baldwin 138). Even Hella experiences her first traumatic heartbreak. She admits that she will no longer know "anything about happiness...anything about forgiveness...what [men] want" (Baldwin 165).
ReplyDeleteIt just seems like these three characters' lives change drastically--Giovanni's unfortunately ending in death. And with each of these changes, there will be memories that could never be erased.
I thoroughly enjoyed how you related David's mental state back to the days when homosexuality was thought to be a mental disorder since that is one of the conclusions that I myself never even thought about. Now that you mentioned it though, It's so true. David suffered so many mental complexes that would've raised a red flag in modern psychiatry. Looking in on the surface and not knowing David's deeper thoughts, one may even believe that he was a sociopath by how easily it seemed that he left Giovanni. Only having read the book that gave us the omnipresent view into David's life do we know that it was harder for him than he let on. Which brings us full circle to the "firsts" that you wrote about. Although he may not want to, David will always feel for Giovanni. Hiding it from the world will not make his pain go away.
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